FIRST OF JULY 1916

Tomorrow, July 1, marks the ninetieth anniversary to the first day of the Battle of the Somme where the British army alone suffered 57 470 casualties. By the end of the day 19 240 of those men and women were lying dead.
The battle raged relentlessly for five more months and continued horrendously, when in November, it finally ended bogged down in mud. In all this time, the Allied Forces could claim only to have taken ten kilometres of ground from the German defenders. The dreadful cost on both sides by then reached close to a million in lives and casualties.

Here’s thinking of all those whose lives and deaths have been touched by what rates as one of the most horrendous periods in human history.

If I should die, think only this of me

That there's some corner of a foreign field

That is for ever England.

There shall beIn that rich earth a richer dust concealed;

A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware,

Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam,

A body of England's, breathing English air,

Washed by the rivers, blest by suns of home.

And think, this heart, all evil shed away,

A pulse in the eternal mind, no less

Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given;

Her sights and sounds; dreams happy as her day;And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness,

In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

'The Soldier' from the War Sonnets - Rupert Brooke 1887-1915

TO TAKE A FRESH YOUNG CANVAS’S VIRGINITY OR NOT..?

By now you’ll be aware that I’ve been struggling for the last few months over a body of work which I finally put to the sword the other day – this in favour of stretching a number of fresh new canvases to suit a need and fulfil how the ideas have panned out.

Anyway, the last couple of days have resulted in ‘soiling’ a couple of the large aforementioned white beauties again with colour, texture and any ‘sullied’ ideas I might have going on in this head of mine.

The results are exciting enough, although it always strikes me how sad too – Freshly Primed Canvases are stunning young things glowing in their innocence, and after those first ‘daubs’ of paint, it got me thinking just how much the rest of the painting process in general is nothing more than a procedure of trying to put right the resulting wrongs… Should we simply just leave Virgin Canvases alone..? Probably not! Unfortunately, white on white’s been done to death, and anyway, giving them a good seeing to beats doing most anything else really - in my opinion…

L e A t h E r F A c E - ALIVE or DEAD

From my home town of Sunderland in the North-East of England, Leatherface are a band that epitomised the best which was p U n k in the UK back in the 80s.., if not that of the world and forever more in the minds of those from Sunderland!

Never what you would call a ‘groupie’ at the time, I still delighted in the aura which surrounded them and the fact that their genuine hardcore values remained both intact and firm!

Any personal contact I had as a young'n with the likes of Frankie ‘Warsaw’ Stubbs, Lainey, Dickie and later on Dicker (who if I recall correctly, still owes me a final instalment on a painting of mine he bought :-) was pretty scary at the time and limited to quick nods of acknowledgment - on my part anyway – and little more at The Bunker where I kept a studio and they hung out, practiced and, I think, recorded – Was never quite sure whether the tunes that ‘drifted gently’ up through the floor of the studio were the final cuts or not :-)

Anyway, I came across a couple of their sites by accident just this morning, and by all accounts it appears they’re still alive and kicking… So, if any of you diehards and modern day fledgling punks ever get the chance, look these buggers up – you know it makes (no) sense ;-)

CANOEING - THE POLISH WAY

Clearly the Polish way of taking in the wonders of the great outdoors and skilfully riding the white waters of torrent and stream..! Well, not exactly the rapids of the Colorado River through Cataract Canyon it must be said, since the magnificent rivers and lakes of North East Poland are usually as calm as the eye of a storm, but a boiling caldron when, as last weekend in a mass stupor, the population of Poland tossed their paddles to the winds and their bodies from a riot of kayaks to the depths of the (Black) Czarna Hancza!

So, here we are, back from a four day Canoeing expedition, (a trip in more ways than one along those idyllic lowland rivers), and I’m in a joint state of rising damp, through days of sitting in the swamp water which became a permanent feature at the bottom of the boat, and dry rot, by way of too much exposure from the blistering heat of a desert sun above… Thank Saint Arnold then for the copious amounts of the golden stuff, and yes of course – vodka, which is, apparently, traditionally guzzled by all here when in nautical transit – this, along with the resulting amnesia this brings to ward off any apparent exhaustion; and on account of a daily exercise routine of vigorous paddling in conjunction with the sheer splendour of the majestic landscape, I refer now also to my current state of spiritual euphoria and a bearing of a bonus accruement in the form of a body Hercules himself would die for!

From virtually the first moment the tone of the voyage was set as we pushed off fully laden with supplies from (Lake) Jeziora Wigry at a mad dash, entered the Czarna Hancza where ‘Magic’, (a lone member of our small group), showed us with clear madness in his eyes how, when completely smashed, it is possible to slither backwards along the stern of a canoe, plop like an elephant seal into the dark depths and survive three metres or so of weed laden, relatively fast flowing river!



When both ‘Magic’ and a certain canoeing partner of mine, who had quickly followed Magic’s lead and dived into the drink shortly after him, had somehow managed to clime back aboard, then the first hour or so continued in a similar vane with the usual calm of the vista being interrupted with hoots of freedom, accompanied by the type of ‘bombing’ listed as forbidden in Public Pools when we were kids, and all in all can be said to have resembled a bull-bait on water as the river was filled to the brim with city escapees sizzling in the baking sun on full tanks of Vintage Polish! Fun to behold to begin with and it has to be said, a complete eye opener for an Englishman used to excursions donned in Arran pullovers and cagoule, but thankfully, due to the fact that the consumption and effects of alcohol worked its various conclusions, the hordes eventually scattered and remained dispersed for the rest of the trip to be replaced by vast expanses, silence, and on this first day, a number of hours of isolation with the rest of the day in the water passing away in pure bliss!

Arrival at our first camp brought all this crashing down to earth however in a glorious rumble of dynamic evenings entertainment as fires were started, any thoughts of nature being enough for the soul being put to one side when the demand for more booze was fulfilled, football matches begun on a jungle for a pitch and ended just as quickly for yours truly because of cardiac arrest, all followed up by a last course of stoic songs of woe sung with gusto until the early hours of the following day – As a result, for stragglers like us, the first half of next days’ canoeing past off with little more than ploughing through the calm waters and quietly taking in the scenery through shaded eyes until, given a reasonable hour, the hair of the dog was released from its kennel in the form of a couple of Mad Dogs, (for those who don’t know - a delicious concoction of Vodka, Raspberry Syrup and Tabasco Sauce), which of course did the trick in clearing the head! But democracy, which is the new Poland, and the fact that nature for the remainder of the day was indeed enough for the soul, led us both, along with Daniel and his beautiful young ‘companion’ Anna, (who we know fondly as Anananana - or that's how it sounds to my English ears :-) ) opting for an early night when we landed for the night!

The following day took in what rates for me as some of the most wonderful scenery of its type I’ve ever seen. Along with a swim in the crystal waters of the Czarna Hancza followed by a repeat mid-day singsong of Mad Dogs and Englishmen, then the day was truly idyllic and did its best to refresh the spirit until we reached the Augustowski Canal when, if truth be told, out of simple exhaustion, as the perpetual paddling began to take its toll on us all, it was nothing but a relief by then to get to our last stop at Mikaszewo! There by the lakeside we set up camp for the last time and spent some time relaxing with another gentle swim in the warm waters of the lake followed by a bit of a nap before the last evening’s festivities where tall tales were exchanged in an intoxicated, yet strangely melodic din, with the improbable sight of the most frail looking woman I’ve ever seen in my life leading in an all night sing-a-long along with Dominika who hilariously participated in bossing and poking anyone who dared to abstain! Songs ranged from the most obscure (to my ears anyway) of Polish folk ballads to a woeful duet from Daniel and myself of ‘The Smiths’ ‘Girlfriend in a Coma’, which to be frank got a reception of sheer disbelief. By the time all the remaining booze was drunk and the final refrain became a whisper and hiccup, thoughts drifted onto reaching our final destination at Plaska on the last day and gave rise to further dreams, when tucked up uncomfortably on the floor of the tent, of a safe return to Warsaw and the feel of city water from the shower to wash away four days of mildew and flaking sun tans from what had gradually become our peasant bodies!

… Anyway, a great time had by all, but don’t try any of the aforementioned at home without checking A Guide to Canoeing in Poland here first

NEXT STOP – ALL CHANGE

Some good advice from Dominika tonight regarding the Warsaw Paintings when she expressed just how tame they appear in comparison to past work - Something I suspected but had been avoiding to address for fear of not producing!

The fact that they hold up technically, and in some way possess enough strength to convince most, just doesn’t disguise the fact that the difference between merely producing something competent and doing something with the subject matter in question is vast! To date, it all feels too much like pissing in the wind… Just when the hell is it going to click..? All clearly easier said than done.., and considering the lucid thoughts and mental pictures I have regarding the issue quite simply doesn’t tally with the stuff I’ve produced so far, then I’ve only myself to blame! If I was to be brutally honest however, then bloody money problems continue to pray on the mind, But, it’s a double edged sword innit – get work – no more money worries – teach English – no more painting..! And, matters of the heart aside, then what am I supposed to be here for..?

Anyway, ‘Establish your own Frame’, I was told tonight, and of course Dominika’s right, but in fairness I’ll perhaps need to go around the block a few times over the forthcoming months to get there… After a useful break planned for the next few days however - no more piss-farting about – at this particular juncture it’ll be all change with no holds barred!

WARSAW PAINTINGS

Two months now into the Warsaw Paintings and perhaps as they stand they’re beginning to pull together - but it’s early days and I’m really still not convinced… Still, although there’s some good stuff going on, I’m still just not sure they’re heading in the right direction..? Jesus, the amount of painting, rejecting, reworking etc, just to get to this stage, and I’m still not ready to run riot – Bloody hell, you’d think after twenty odd years of painting it would get easier, but I wouldn't want to lie!

As you can see, I’ve been working in monotone and for now, during the working process anyway, black and white seems to be the new colour for me – perhaps even suits the landscape of this weird and wonderful city … The intention is to add subtle glazes of colour when the structure of the paintings are complete but I’ve only tried this out on a tiny painting so far, and since it f*cked the whole essence of the bloody thing up, am not quite convinced about doing this to the others just yet – that is if they, and the rest to follow, survive in this form at all.

All in all, very frustrating at the moment, but all very much part of the journey as they say!

BUTTERFLY EFFECT OR SIMPLY JUST FATE?

On a related theme and I can honestly say that the little I have produced this week looks pretty good anyway, and shows signs of taking an interesting turn for the better!

I’m busy reworking the larger canvas which is proving to be a bugger (the things just looked too.., well.., archaic), but anyway, all that aside, and what struck me this morning was just how, regardless of intention, a piece of work develops depending on as, how and when it is worked on… Just staring at the canvas now, and I know in my heart of hearts, if things had gone to plan this week, this piece of work as it stands now, just wouldn’t have existed.., so for better or worse, I’ve got him/her downstairs to thank for that! The thing would simply have been different if I’d worked on it when I’d planned rather than when I had the opportunity!

YOUR CORRECT MINDSET TO BE ABLE TO PRODUCE?

So the guy downstairs continues to wreck havoc with both mind and eardrums and it’s ceased to be funny anymore - He’s to blame for keeping me locked somewhere in this place we call dazed and confused, with virtually nothing to show on canvas all week.

Beyond feelings of guilt, about getting little done for the last five days, this got me thinking about just how fragile the creative mind can be when it comes to unwanted disturbances..! I know that any, sometimes minor interruptions, can set me back for days! I was wondering just what mindset is needed to be able to work at an optimum best? Just being able to sleep perhaps!

By the way – finally snapped and thumped on the floor last night, and when this failed to produce the desired effect, made the diabolical effort to drag myself from bed, pulled on my pants, staggered down the flight of communal stairs and hammered on his door. All to no avail I’m afraid however – The bugger couldn’t or wouldn’t answer the door and continued regardless with his horrific piano practice (another story – but I imagine he hit’s the keys with a truncheon) along to god knows what belting from his stereo..? All needs a longer, more detailed note in Polish to pin to his door I suppose..?

THE ALLEY OF LIBERATION

Well, we’re back safely from our visit to the ‘sunny’ North East of England (for May it was absolutely atrocious and has unfortunately left a scar on ‘our Lass’s’ interpretation of the North-East of England for ever), and the upheaval of the last few months or so (too long and complicated a story to tell fully) seems long gone..! To be honest, since the move here to Warsaw roughly a year ago now, I must admit to feeling more reasonably settled now than I’ve felt anywhere or for such a long time during.., well.., let’s just say – an ‘unsettled’ past.

Since the tickets were already paid for from the ill-fated trip back in February to find work, we took the opportunity to spend a couple of weeks break in England at the end of May to meet family and friends. Although it was brilliant (weather aside) to catch up with family and friends again, it is a relief to finally be back to try to get into some sort of semblance of a routine and hopefully get cracking with the long process of getting some work done… Without my dad’s help, this short reprieve now wouldn’t be possible though, and for his continual advice and support I owe him more than a few silly words here can say!

That’s not to say I’m by any means out of woods yet, for life working as an artist here, (as all of you who dish out the ideas in whichever medium for a meagre living will know), is by no means easy, but however slow the process, the work is beginning to flow at a rate now which puts my output during the last few years in England to shame, and I’m beginning to love and hate it again regardless of the fact that they’re inevitably all over the place right now – Ready or not, it’s still good to make contacts however, and though I don’t think I’m ready, or will be for quite some months to come, I should really pull my finger out and begin approaching galleries again before the readies dry up completely and make any progress more than tricky!

The unexpected shift in subject/content, and return to painting is proving exciting, but for all the ideas and production are going ok, I wish to God there was an army of me to get the stuff out and onto canvas quicker than is physically possible. Adjusting and getting your head around the fact that painting takes just a wee bit more physical exertion than digital and video work - this along with the added drawback you can’t just revert to an earlier version when things go wrong, then it’s proving hard to acclimatize to! Also haven’t managed any painting for the last two days - not so much because of the aforementioned it must be said however - but because of the ‘guy’ downstairs..! Being a drag-queen by profession, ‘her’ perpetual practice sessions and renditions of Falling in Love again and Lili Marleen when ‘she’ gets home from work at three or four in the morning have left me sleepless and exhausted. I’ve learnt through experience not to touch a paint brush at times like this!

It’s difficult to know though how to sort the problem out to be honest. With ‘his’ only English being informed by, and limited to, Shirley Bassey lyrics etc.., it took Daniel (God, he’s become a good mate) to request a sensible noise level which ‘she’s’ adhered to for the last month or so, but the volume has crept up gradually since we got back from England and the tranni anthems are being belted out again at a trillion decibels! The fact ‘he's’ a big bugger and I’m a bloody coward also means that I haven’t approached him myself, but have asked Daniel to dictate a note over the phone for me in Polish which I’ll duly stick on his door when I know he’s not in!

Anyway, that’s it for now – need to get some zzz s while I can, as I’m planning to attack the canvases like the Devil on Heat tomorrow! For now - na razie…